Irvine

I don't remember ever blogging about how I am currently attending UC Irvine, which is funny because the last college admission post that I posted was that I got into my back up school UC Irvine, haha, funny how the world ends up working huh? I absolutely refused to come to UC Irvine at the beginning of senior year and look at where I am right now? UC IRVINE! haha, awesome right? So I am pretty much in love with this school right now, everyone here is really awesome. :) In a way I do miss Sacramento even though there was so much shit at the end of senior year that just made me hate the city, but as I drift away from it I'm starting to miss it. It's weird. My life is weird. So I met the two guys a few weeks ago, that was interesting, haha. Kinda cool too...

I miss my parents. I miss my sisters. I especially miss my friends. I dreamed of coming down to southern California and living here for the rest of my life but the more I'm here, the more I think Sacramento is a better way of living. Although there is no fucking thing to do in northern California, it's more simplistic, but I don't know. I don't know what I want and I don't know where I'm going to end up, I guess I should just try to make as many friends as I can and live my life to the fullest because I will never know where I am going to end up. I never imagined myself in UC Irvine, heck two years ago I didn't even see myself living down here, but look at me now. I've grown up in so many ways that I can't even imagine, it's so weird. Now there was something I wanted to blog about at first but it seemed to just have slipped my mind, haha. Oh well. Another day Carthage.

Hmm..

Yesterday something interesting happened. Something I thought would never happen. I can't believe it, but that girl is the luckiest girl in the whole fucking world. But hey, I put up my white flag. So why the fuck would I care? I have no fucking clue. It's crazy. But I'm glad he's maturing.

White Flag.

I put up my white flag a long time ago. It's an amazing feeling to be honest. :)

I am so fucking stupid. I swear.

Feels goood

It feels good to look at someone and say "I don't give a fuck."

...maybe it's just not meant to be.

High school is ending. One part of me is saying "yessss!!!", but the other part of me is sad. Maybe it's because I'm going to leave the majority of my friends, or maybe it's because of him. Math class was fun with him, always bugging him, playing little stupid games with him. I don't regret our time together, I just wished that it lasted a little bit more. Come summer we shall depart, then school will start and he'll meet new girls, new crushes, new life. It makes me sad, although I can't tell him my true feelings I wish that I had made some impact on his life for him to remember me a little bit longer, even though that is most likely not true. I wish I could tell him I have feelings for him but society is so hard right now that I'm a little scared, a little scared in being rejected, a little scared in what our relationship will turn out to be. I know he doesn't like me in that way, i guess maybe it's just not meant to be.

What The Fuck

is exactly what I was thinking when I found out that one of my really good friends would rather confide in this girl that she has known for a shorter period of time rather than me! It was just such a huge ego blow for me, can I not be trusted? Am I truly such a bad friend? I just don't fucking understand. Well you know what, fuck you too bitch, I hope you have a fucking good life.